#Marvel incorrect quotes steve rogers

[mesmerize-the-mayhem]

Steve: Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately.

Tony: I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Steve.

[hurtspideyparker]

If Civil War didn't end in divorce and everyone lived together Part 2

Read Part 1 and Part 3

Tony: Why is Underoos mopping the ceiling?

Sam: Told him since he's sticky that's his chore

Bucky: It's only fair he helps out around the house

Tony: Hm. Makes sense

-

Vision cooked dinner:

Peter: *pushing around food to make it look eaten*

Natasha: *surreptitiously spitting into napkin*

Steve: *taking small bites with tons of water*

Bucky: *just stares at full plate*

Tony: Well this is disgusting, I'm ordering pizza

-

Sam: C'mon man stop moping around, you gotta get yourself a girl

Bucky: Ok.

Sam: Ok? Okayyyyy! I know-

Bucky: Give me your phone

Sam: Oh you got a number in mind already hotshot? *hands phone over*

Bucky: *ring* Hi Sarah ;)

Sam: BOY-

-

Peter: Ned thought you would seperate your colours from your lights but he also thought you'd be homophobic so I don't pay him much mind cuz clearly I'm more of a superhero expert than him but he does have a 2% better average than me in history so like maybe you do hand wash your clothes and that's why I asked what underwear you wear because-

Steve: *listening intently with apprehension and alarm*

Natasha: I can't believe you found the one person on Earth who talks more nonsense than you

Tony: I know right, it's incredibly unnerving. I'm planning on adopting him

-

Peter: Mr. Stark I have to tell you something. I think Vision is a... *whispers* pervert

Tony: Um, why?

Peter: He keeps floating through my room without knocking! He saw me changing, he saw my nipples !

Tony: Well if anyone's a predator here it would be you. I mean showing your nipples to a 2 year old? Deplorable.

Peter:

Peter: Oh god, I'm the pervert...

-

Bucky: Y'know animosity isn't good between teammates. I think we should spend more time together

Sam: Am I being punked right now? Where's the camera

Bucky: I'm serious. I think it would be healthy for us to bond

Sam: Okay fine I'll bite... what did you have in mind

Bucky: Wanna go for a run?

Sam: *slams door in Bucky's face*

-

*staring at Bucky's sparkly clean metal arm*

Bucky: Dishwasher?

Peter: Dishwasher :)

(later that day)

Bucky: I've decided to let the child live

Peter: YoU wHaT?!

-

Thwip

Tony: Who took my coffee cup, It was right here

Thwip

Bruce: Um, has someone seen my book? I just had it

Thwip

Steve: I could've sworn I was holding a pen a moment ago

*giggling from the ceiling*

Tony: Young man I will take those webshooters away if you use them for shenanigans and rascality

Peter, muffled: Mr. Hawkeye told me to!

Clint: Oh so you're just gonna rat me out like that?

Peter: Sor- OOF

*falls out of ceiling vent*

-

Sam: You're in my spot

Bucky: There are no spots, it's a common area

Sam: Well that's my spot

Bucky: Did you buy the chair??

Sam: No, but everyone knows that's where I sit. Right Steve?

Steve: Oops I forgot something in my car, be right back *leaves*

Sam: Still my spot

Bucky: Still not

Sam: *sits on him*

Bucky: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL THE COUCHES ARE FREE-

Sam: IT'S MY SPOT YOU CAN'T TAKE A MAN'S FAVOURITE CHAIR-

BUCKY: YOU HAVE ISSUES GET OFF ME-

(one hour later)

Steve: Hey so turns out I don't have a car! Isn't that funn...

Sam & Bucky: *Squeezed awkwardly on the chair together*

Steve: I think I left something in my car

-

Steve: Leave the bedroom door open when you have Vision in there

Wanda: UGH you're so protective

Tony: Teenagers, am I right? Caught Pete reassembling my particle accelerator at midnight because he needed to neutralize a miniature nuclear bomb he nabbed off some guy he neglected to tell me was trying to kill him

Steve:

Steve: Wanda y'know what do whatever you want

Wanda: Really?

Steve: Yes just keep being normal. At least I can read about our issues in a parenting book

-

Thor: Ah, new warriors I see! Good to make all your acquaintance. But why are you so grumpy my friend?

Bucky: *glaring*

Peter: He's always like that. It's um, P- P- PMS? Wait -

Natasha: Yes it's PMS

Wanda: He's got it bad

Steve: *genuinely concerned* Bucky you didn't tell me something was wrong. What can I do to help?

Bucky:

Bucky: I like chocolate

-

Wanda: Welcome to the first annual girls night! This place reeks of men, so I thought we needed some women time

Pepper: Why is Vision here?

Wanda: I get sad when he's gone

Natasha: Why is Pietro here?

Pietro: Slay queens

Wanda: Moral support I think

Maria: Why is Peter here?

Wanda: He looked really upset when I said he wasn't included and I felt bad

Wanda: Anyways... yay girls! Who wants me to paint their nails?

Peter: ME ME ME

-

Steve: Pancakes or waffles?

Natasha: Pancakes

Steve: Good because I don't have a waffle maker

Natasha: Then why would you ask-

Steve: It's important for your voice to be heard, as team leader I value your opinion

*2 minutes later*

Steve: Good morning Clint, pancakes or waffles?

Clint: Waffles

Steve: Oh no.

-

Some of these were based on requests (ex. more Sam & Bucky, dad Steve w/ Wanda) so if you have certain dynamics you enjoy let me know !

[literaryavenger]

Steve, seeing Y/N babying Bucky: What happened??

Y/N, putting a bandaid on Bucky’s finger: Bucky got a paper cut.

Steve, rolling his eyes: Seriously? Yesterday Sam was screaming "I've been stabbed!" and all you did was yell "shut up!"

Y/N, after kissing Bucky’s boo-boo: That's because he was screaming "I think I've been stabbed!" Bitch, you're either stabbed or you aren't!

Steve:

Y/N:

Steve:

Natasha, sitting next to them while casually eating cereal: She's right.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Steve: So does anyone have any healthy stress outlets?

Tony: Screaming.

Natasha: Violence.

Bruce: Tea.

Clint: Also violence.

Steve: …Okay, so we’ve got tea.

[ironshieldchild]

a little something i made lmao

[chaxan08]

Steve: So I'm bi—

Bucky: *choking on his drink, very hopeful*

Steve: —lingual. I can speak two languages.

Bucky: Oh. That's nice!

Bucky: *takes another sip of beer*

Steve: I also like men.

Bucky: *spits out beer*

[white-wolf-actually]

That boy never minded his own business a day in his goddamn life.

[thewrittenpodcast]

Steve: so. You thought-

Peter: oh my god a live psa demo

Peter: can I video this?

Tony: a live what

Steve:

Steve: oh no

[itscrazycasey]

Avengers on a mission:

Bruce: Well, that went good!

Steve: Yeah, surprisingly.

Rhodey: It’s… too quiet. Now that I think about it, the whole battle was too quiet.

Tony, holding up his hand in the front: where’s the kid.

Pan over to Peter who is playing with puppies he saw halfway to the battle.

[super-marvel-dc]

Steve: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Bucky, Wade, and Y/N: Ok.

Steve: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Bucky: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Y/N: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Wade: Bold of you to assume I can die.

[ironspidersblog]

Peter, overstimulated: MY SPIDER SENSES ARE PISSING ME OFF AND IM GONNA MAKE IT EVERYONES PROBLEM

Tony, trying to figure out how to make the perfect sensory friendly room in five seconds: Pete-

Steve, trying to not say language so hard: young man I-

Bucky, also overstimulated: lol yeah

[romanoffshouse]

Y/N: Bye Natasha!

Y/N: Bye Tony!

Y/N: Bye Steve!

Y/N: Bye Bucky!

Y/N: Bye Natasha!

Tony: You said 'Bye Natasha' twice.

Y/N: I like Natasha.

[hurtspideyparker]

Steve: I like you kid, you're gonna do great things

Peter: Thanks! I wanna be just like Mr. Stark when I'm older

Steve: Oh dear god no. No. Where are this child's parents?

Peter: Uh, they're dead-

Steve: IT'S ALREADY BEGUN

[1luna1lovegood1]

Clint: WHY AREN'T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS? !

Natasha : so like, everything is the same as a kids' playground but bigger!

Clint : yeah, why don't we have those?!

Steve : they are called theme parks.

Clint: but you have to PAY for theme parks!

Steve: that's the adult part.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Peter: Mr. Rogers, how do I get revenge on my enemies?

Steve: The best revenge is letting go and living your life to the fullest.

Peter: ...

Peter: Ms. Romanoff, how do I—

Natasha: Brick.

[headcanonthings]

Sam: I don't want Steve to die Sam: You don't want Steve to die Sam: So now we need to make sure that Steve doesn't make Steve die Bucky: Fantastic plan, but have you fucking met him?